An excerpt from the new book, One Bloody Road: The Glorious Way of Discipleship:
“We learn that there is no situation that He has not covered and that the fear of adversity is ultimately more dangerous than the adversity itself. That’s because death—our greatest enemy—has already been defeated.”
Chapter 5: Brokenness
Less than a week after hearing the Lord invite me into “the fullness of joy,” my spirit was pricked when the Lord seemed to pick the conversation up again in another time of prayer. As I felt His voice speak to my heart, I knew He was continuing His earlier invitation to intimacy, only this time with a condition.
“Can you lay it down in peace?” I heard. I needed no clarity. The Lord has a way in which He speaks to each of our hearts—a way of speaking specifically so we will understand. I knew in that moment the Lord was talking about writing. He was asking me if the desire I had to see this gift function in my life could be sacrificed. In essence, could I trust Him to take me to ‘a joy that was full’ without writing being a part of my life? Since writing had become a place of frustration, and a source for comparison and judgment in my approach to others (and even Him), would I say “yes” to being fulfilled in life despite this dream dying?
“Yes, Lord.” I replied. “Yes, I lay it down.” With that response something broke open in my heart. Up to that moment I never saw writing tied so closely to my relationship with Him. I believe because it is a part of my calling and a gift He desires to redeem and use, and because I actually identified and valued myself through writing (and my lack of production in writing), that He knew this was the button to push.
Within two weeks, my best friend sent me the latest manuscript to a book he wrote. Of course, this same friend had now completed two books since I bet him I would publish mine first. And it was never a fair competition. He was writing words the Holy Spirit laid in his heart. I was attempting to use my “gift” to write something that I hoped the Holy Spirit would approve. But here I was, presented with the perfect opportunity to see if I really had laid writing down, or if the voice of competition would be allowed to rise again in my heart.
This post is part of a series titled, A Written Redemption: The Breaking of a Writer. (Links below)
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